Yesterday I woke up in tears and it really never got better. I think I totally panicked Jen Lemen (does anyone else out there still miss her blog like I do?). I called her machine with that shaky “I’m really trying not to cry” voice. Nice way to freak out a friend, eh. ‘Though I couldn’t reach Jen, my housemate Sharon was home, so I cried on her shoulder for awhile.

You see, this is my sixth straight week of daily migraine pain and I’m not winning the emotional battle. I’m starting to get glimpse of a possible reality: this might be it for the rest of my life.

All I want to do is work. Is that … {read more…}

Woke up with a migraine and slept three hours today, after I took the girls to school. That’s the wonder of demoral. Two of them knock me out. I’ve never understood how people can take fistfuls of them and remain upright. The relief from the pain is very tempting though, so I do see how folks get addicted to them. I resisted narcotics as a migraine “treatment” for two years, and then let the doctor prescribe me some. She doles them out in small batches and I tell Paul every time I have to take one, which is about twice a month. I have such and addictive personality so I feel like I really need the accountability. If only … {read more…}

Wednesday, December 21
Winter Solstice

After two weeks of solid migraines I finally got into the neurologist today. I’m down to three options. 1) Try a new med which will make me dizzy and sleepy and see if it works. (It’s just the luck of the draw whether it works for my body or not. )2) See a gynecologist who specializes in endocrinology and see if we can get my body chemistry (i.e. hormones) in better alignment. (This option is most hopeful.) or 3) Botox most of the muscles in my head every three months.

I don’t want to think about it.

My migraine was down to a 3 on the pain scale, so I managed to get to yoga today. As … {read more…}

I haven’t posted for awhile. Every other week I have the draft of a chapter due at my writers group. That means I write like mad about four days before my submission is due. I’m finding that I don’t have enough writing energy to do a chapter and blog posts in the same week. This makes for spotting posting, but I guess it is what it is.

“How do you know it’s someone’s first time to the Chapman’s house?”
“They pet the cat.”

Shelby as a purr addict. Pet her once and she’s purring (and drooling) by your side forever. She wasn’t an especially lovely cat. In fact her coat was usually a mess, she shed all over the place, and she had … {read more…}

“If I were a Christian I’d join the Peace Team — it’d be like being a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism.” -Peter

“The man has a heartbeat you can hear from here.” -Helene

“No thanks, I had a rootbeer float before dinner……I love being a grown up.”
-Tonya H

“So this old man is standing right behind me while I’m at the urinal, just sort of hanging out there, and he says to me “Good Job!” -Lindell

Shelia: “Have you tried supplements?”
Rachelle: “Yeah. I take 18 pills a day.”
Lindell: “18! That’s a food group!”

The Scripture:

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my delight, for I bear you name, O Lord God Almighty. I never sat in the company of revelors, never made merry with them; I sat alone because your hand was on me and you had filled me with indignation. Why is my pain unending and my wound grevious and incurable? Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails? Therefore this is what the Lord says, “If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman.”
Jeremiah 15:16-19a

Phrases that … {read more…}

By this light shall I come to know that you,
Eternal Trinity,
Are table
And food
And water to us.

-Catherine of Sienna

October 31, 2005

Last night I was very sad. It was my birthday and I wanted to be petted and celebrated. But for the past couple of decades I’ve been telling people that I don’t need a big deal made out of my birthday, that it doesn’t really matter. So they didn’t. But it does.

In the midst of my sadness I decided that I needed a date with a holy place. So I came to the chapel of St. Ignatius–serene, artfully serene in a way that only taste and money can accomplish. The only thing that disturbs me about this beautiful place is the … {read more…}

After an hour and a half at the very patient naturopath’s, I now have a brand new diet to try to manage my migraines. It’s a vegan-plus-eggs diet (actually I can have fish too, but I don’t like fish) that’s high in protien. Bye-bye refined carbs, especially flour and sugar and hello fish oil tablets. (Thank goodness they make those in strawberry flavor now.) The hardest part will be remembering to eating every two hours without over eating. I just portioned out a couple dozen snack bags with 1/3 of a protien bar or a handful of nut-based trail mix in each one. Better stock up my purse and the glove compartment!

I am glad to know that I’m not … {read more…}

Okay, I’ve gained ten pounds this Summer. TEN POUNDS! I’ve never been a skinny girl, but this is getting ridiculous. I’m sure part of the problem is that I wasn’t able to go to the gym over the Summer, due to the fact that I had two kids in tow. It feels so good to be back in flow yoga with MJ, even though I can only hold my crow pose for three breaths and have had to revert to “girl” push ups. Still, Summer is the time when you live on cantelope and iced tea, so it’s usually weight loss time. Fall and Winter is the time to fatten up the goose with heavier meals and cozy weekends by … {read more…}

Tracey: Why do we have to die?
Nate: To make life valuable.
-Six Feet Under, Season One Finale

I have been thinking about death a lot lately. In part, this is because I’ve been obsessively watching the library’s copy of Six Feet Under, Season One. Of course, there is also my ailing and demented Grandmother nearing the end of her life on this earth. Then again, there is my neighbor three doors down who seems to have death all round her right now – a father in the emergency room, a co-worker with a suicidal brother, a friend with a father gunned downed by police. But mostly I’ve been hanging out with death because of George.

Four … {read more…}