Thank-you-and-I’m-Sorry
I have a wonderful new friend, named Souren. Souren is fifteen years old and lives on the corner of my street. I have to wait by his house to pick up the kids from the school bus. All the women in my family have rapidly fallen in love with Souren, and now he’ll sometimes stand in the doorway at 3:15 and just wait for two little blondes to come running up to him for a giant elementary-aged tackle hug.
Souren teaches me lots of things. What high school is like these days. How to get to level six in German video games involving trolls. What it means to be kind to little girls who pester you all day long. But mostly, he teaches me to drop the bullshit. I think it has to do with his age, his much traveled life, his thoughtful brilliant mother and father, and mostly just his personhood. I feel lucky to know him–even though some hard thoughts now sit in my head.
My lovely Souren would not come to Compline with me to chill out in the dark and listen to the monks chant. Why?
“I can’t be in sight of a cross..they’ll try to excorcise me or something!”
This is what an intelligent, thoughtful fifteen year old thinks of the church: basically, it’s a scary place where someone wants to make you be something other than who and what you are. Oh…and also…the crusades and killing lots of Aztecs.
For most of my life I’ve ignored the uncomfortable parts of my heritage as a Christian. I’ve stuffed emotions about our missionary/colonialist past. I’ve tried to let other, older, long-dead people carry the blame for stuffing communion wafers down people’s throat before lopping off thier heads. I’ve tried to not emphasize the fact that the Christians did realatively little in the face of the holocaust. I’ve said, “Well, all that’s in the past, in the past.” Or, “well, those were the fundamentalists, and I’m not one of those.”
But through Souren’s clear eyes — the eyes of a youth on the cusp of manhood, a place where there is much unnoticed wisdwom — I have to stare these events straight in the face.
How does one stand in the shoes of one’s spiritual ancestors and make confession? How does one apologize for such a long, flawed history of grief making?
As a college student, many of my religious friends stopped calling themselves Christians. They would go with “followers of Jesus”…or even Craig’s more recent contribution of “Jesuvians”. I tend to stick with “I’m a Jesus-y person” these days. But still, even though I choose not to align myself with certain aspects of the faith, my lineage still holds the sad reality of old scars and newly create injuries. They cling to me like chains dragging behind me, like bones dangling from cords tied around my waist. I drag them around in the dust asI I walk this world’s long time line. I find, that in the face of youth and beauty, I am required to face them.
We must learn confession, I must learn to make amends.
Hey souren here, no not rachelle even though it says that she is logged in. I’m just using her acount. The ” they will exorcise me” thing is an inside joke that i was reviving.
I’m not exactly scared of the church but as rachelle already said i disagree what it stands for: witch burnings, conquistadors etc. and yes i do aknowlege the fact that christianity has it’s pros and did great things for humanity but I just don’t like the concept. This is kinda an extreme (and probably unfair example) but hitler did alot of great things for germany, among other things building the autobahn (no speed limit!!!!!!!!!!). But the fact that he had Jews, Homosexuals and disabled people and various other minoritys executed even though he did good things still makes me think that he was a complete S****************r (i am german by the way)
Souren,
I regret that we don’t have a better stereotype of Christianity to offer you. But just try to keep in mind that being a Jesus-y person, as Rachelle puts it, might not be exactly what you’d expect based on stereotypes. Either way, don’t spend too much time worrying about it. Enjoy the friendships you have with the family. Relationship is at the heart of Christianity.
Jennifer
Hey Rachelle,
Started some comments that turned into a whole big entry of their own, so they ended up on my blog. Thanks as always for food for thought.
Blessings,
Other Jennifer
I hear Souren, but i also hear someone who, at age 15, has made his mind up and isn’t likely to change. At least, not yet. I have run into this persistent prejudice about Christianity (usually expressed as “religion”, but Christianity is in variably meant) in a lot of secular people–it’s like an idee-fixe (similar to “welfare is for people who don’t want to work”, or “black people are inherently inferior”, or…) that won’t go away.
Until and unless Souren actually investigates his thoughts and beliefs, he will stay stuck in his stereotype, his idee-fixe, for a long time to come.
I don’t call myself a Christian for various reasons, but i am firmly within the Judeo-Christian spiritual stream, and I get impatient sometimes with this whole thing.
I also grieve that whatever I call myself, I am the inheritor of the evil done in God’s name over the centuries as much as anyone else.
actually, peter, souren is a avery open minded young man. we have great discussions and he looks for ways to connect with the ongoing philosophizing/theologizing that goes on around him and with him. (which, if you hang out at our place for any length of time, turns out to be quite a lot of ‘ologizing indeed!)
i guess in my original post, what i was trying to come to terms with, is that i’m not sure that it’s merely prejudice for “secular” people to criticize Christian for thier history. it’s actually justified (if sometimes overly one-sided) and we need to learn how to face the music.
-r
p.s. peter, thanks for the comment on the post re: perfectly fits our needs. it made me think … and me more tenacious about seeking healing (like persistent widow…:-)
From Poor Mad Peter:
Thanks, Rachelle. And fair enough. Christianity is a very mixed blessing on this planet, for a fact, and deserves much criticism for its history.
That said, let’s throw in some really confusing positive factual history to make things more interesting. Please note that many of my examples are Canadian (it’s what i’m most familiar with, for some reason… {grin}):
–creation of excellent state school system, leading to one of highest national literacy rates on the planet (Lutheran Church, Finland, 19th century)
–creation of first labour unions in Canada, (Quebec, 19th century)
–abolition of slavery in the British Empire (Britain, worldwide, 18th century)
–preservation of ancient texts, sacred and secular (historic, linguistic, social, political, economic, even erotic!), plus promotion of visual arts and music; plus creation and maintenance of universities and libraries, during political and social upheaval (European monasteries, 6th-14th centuries)
–creation of first socialist political party in Canada, early 20th century
–creation and maintenance of hospitals, clinics, food distribution networks, entry-level palliative care in under- and non-serviced areas, worldwide, 1st century CE to present
–agitation for social and political reform, as well as advocacy for poor and oppressed in dangerous political climates (sometimes providing only political opposition to US-supported dictatorships), South and Central America, mid-20th century to present
Note that these were initiatives of Christian religious orders, and/or individuals, denominations, sects, what have you.
If Souren acknowledged these as well as quite rightly speaking of the ill that Christians have done, then i don’t think I’d have reacted quite so strongly. This balance, however lopsided it might be at times, is nonetheless an historic and present-day fact.
Souren brings up an honest and valid point, and also what to me is a significant difference between this collective organization that calls itself “Christian” and those meek and humble individuals that over time have sought to follow the Son of the Living God.
What I mean is, that Official Christendom has done some horrible things to “spread” the “gospel” over the years, and many, many people have gone along for the ride. But there have also been many meek, humble and brave individuals that have quietly followed this Jesus, offering what they have, even up to their life to serve him and other people.
The challenge for me is to each day ask myself will I follow this path which leads to the inquisition, etc. and try to make excuses or; will I struggle with who this Jesus really is and lay myself down before him and follow that “little way”. I don’t presume to call myself a Christian in the historical sense from the Scriptures, for I’m afraid that I wouldn’t meet the standard.
Souren sounds like a wonderful young man to take along for the journey to find this Jesus and the “little way”, may peace and blessings go with that journey.
Hi gues what it’s the one and onyl souuuuuuuuuuuuren!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok that was usless, anyways hi it’s me again (i should get my own account)
To the poor mad peter or peter as i am told. You don’t have to defend christianity when you are talking to me b/c frankly (and i am not trying to insult anyone) i don’t really care, well no that sounded wrong, it’s just that i guess i am what one would have called an “un believer” or “i-can’t-remember-the-term-used-for-someone-who-doesn’t-believe-in-christianity-in-the-dark-age”. Look basicly what i am trying to say is am not youre avarege “stupid” unsophisticated teenager that only cares about the girl two rows away from him in history class and the newest computer game (mhhh…ok i got myself there b/c i care about those things…) anyways i grew up a little different than most kids do and i also picked up alot of info about the world in that process. And through reading often just b/c i wanted to know i found out various things about random stuff or not so random stuff. So instead of rambling on about life, inteligence, philosophy etc. ill get to the point: I KNOW THAT CHRISTIANITY DID ALOT OF GREAT THINGS and without those i would probably not bearound and not have the rights that i have today (Martin Luter), ok i am having alot of trouble of putting my thoughts into words. Uhmm basicly it could be christianity, islam, buddism, paganism, universalism and and and…but it’s just not for me like choclate croissants are great but just not for me! I am not a religion-y personne ase some of you would put it. So plz stop wasting youre time on trying to put your religion into a better light for me b/c i will still think what i think about it and not what you think about
ps: i do realise that this is a little long and maybe also agressive so if anyone felt like insulted or something i apologize i didn’t mean to hurt anybodys feelings (if i did).
Hi Rachelle,
Interesting… I was just thinking something very similar this week (e.g. how do I separate myself from the negative connotations/history of “Christian”) and what would that new label look like? Labels sure have a way of becoming worn and faded at times, no matter how comfy it might be to me, someone else is bound to hate it.
Hey Souren, my man, this is way beyond you. I threw that out for everybody as food for thought. It’s about a way of thinking everywhere, at least in North America. I will point out that I’ve been in the Christian tradition for nearly 25 years–by choice–and have experienced both its delight and its horror, its brilliance and stupidity. Hey, it’s a human creation, and has everything that is human about it.
Christianity as a collective and Christianity as individuals is a mixed blessing, because we humans are a mixed blessing on this planet.
Criticism it certainly deserves, but what I’m looking for, usually, is what i would call “informed” criticism, and I rarely, rarely ever find it. For some reason, it pushes a button in me, and hey, here I am with a low Christology (translation: Jesus was not God), forgodsake! {grin}
See ya.
Hello Rachelle & Soren,
Jennifer “sent me” here through her blog entry, and I was very moved by your blog-story. It was nice to have both of your entries in one place. How wonderful that you have both been so willing to explore the complexities of (yours and) all of our beliefs!
Sometimes it seems to me that one of the major downfalls of American society is that we tend to need to see the world as “black & white/good & bad,” etc., when in “truth” it may be gray… maybe, it is really millions of shades of gray!
And each of our experiences of “truth” may be just slightly different from another’s.
If we can see each religious system as having a slightly different (yet equally VALUABLE) set of values, maybe, eventually, we can come to understand and respect that NONE is more “true” than another.
Each has brought both “good & bad” experiences to people.
They ALL bring something important, personally & for our communities.
And respecting the important & wonderful differences of EACH, can bring us all more Peace.
Regardless of anything else about us, as creatures on this planet, I believe we are all CHILDREN of GOD (however defined & valued), deserving of ALL good things!
Including forgiveness.
Soren, your openness to “discuss & explore” is a strength you can share with the world!
Rachelle, your heart drawing in a young new freind like Soren is a gift we should all aspire to.
Keep TALKING,
and Thank You!
TCR
Karie