Cushion Rage
I am having one of those rage-y sorts of days…and no, it’s not “that time of the month.” (Please! Don’t be so cliché!) I started getting pissed after dinner last night and I was pissed again by 8am this morning.
What’s that about?
My therapist says that anger is a secondary emotion. Most the time when she says that I want to throw a book at her head. But then, later, when I’m not paying $50 an hour, I try to figure it out. What she means is that anger points the way to something else — towards some big picture item that is making you nuts, unbalanced, or at least definitely un-shalom like.
Right now, my secondary emotion is totally directed at the cushions for the window seat. We have this great window seat in our dinning room. It’s sort of like benevolent fly paper that attracts lovely people instead of bugs. More than once I’ve come home to find someone reading there, or sketching, or coloring with markers. Ever since we’ve moved in we’ve had these really ugly floral cushions on the thing. I hate them. Sharon hates them. But they came with the house, and hey, free is free right?
Well, this Summer the sun has finally taken its toll on the ugly things. What started as small runs in the fabric are now full blown tears exposing the worn stuffing. It reminds me of stepping on a really fat banana slug. (Blech.) To make a long story short, I’ve now shopped for four hours and brought home two sets of cushions, neither of which quite work. Paul says to take ‘em all back and start the process of getting them custom made.
I don’t know why, but this pushed me over the edge. I was so angry I even cleaned the bathroom – and that takes of lot of manic energy, you know. I prayed my beads. I tried to breathe. I even did yoga. No dice. Still pissed.
This can’t possibly be over window seat cushions. WTF is the primary emotion here???!!!
My best guess is that it has something to do with being the domestic goddess for the Summer. You remember that movie War of the Roses? At one point, Mrs. Rose plumps up one last throw cushion and then realizes that her decade-long project of refinishing their beautiful old house is finished.
Then she has a midlife crisis.
I was never cut out to be that person. I do not get great joy out of finding the perfect throw cushion. If it’s not at Target when I go to pick up toilet paper then it just ain’t happening, you know? So how the hell did I end up shopping endlessly for window seat cushions?
And while I’m ranting, what’s the deal with talking the kids on two field trips a week all Summer? I mean, I dig the fun find as much as the next guy, but when did this become an entitlement? Whatever happened to digging Barbie swimming pools in the flower beds all day? How does that thing work where the Mother says “you guys go play outside until lunch time” and the kids actually do it? You know how people say, “If you have more than one they play together and sort of raise each other.” Okay, that is…how shall I say this… that is bullshit! This is simply not true in our house. Sure, they play together for an hour or two each day, but in case you haven’t noticed, Summer daylight is, like, sixteen hours long! My girls are bright, and creative, so maybe that’s part of it. Maybe that’s the positive spin on this thing. But it’s as though I simply cannot feed my children enough ideas for self-entertainment! So we take field trips, lots of them. Only to have them come home and be bored. If one more child tells me she’s bored after a full five hours of water-time fun at the beach, I am going to lose it!
Or maybe it’s just that I really like those Japanese window seat cushions.
Damn. I’m going to go break some plates.
Neurotically Yours,
R
This whole mindset that it’s our obligation as parents to perpetually entertain our kids is insidious and pure poison. I’ve been trying to defy it for years, with mixed results. I read a wonderful essay years ago claiming that children don’t have enough chances to experience boredom anymore, that boredom and quiet, unscheduled time are conducive to resourcefulness, creativity, and the chance to get to know yourself. I say Amen to that and refuse to be an unpaid court jester/Mary Poppins for my kids. FWIW, the first few hours (whining, bickering, demanding) or days are the worst. If you can outlast them and not fall back on TV and computer games, eventually they do dig deep into their own cache and come up with some wonderfully creative and imaginative play. And mess. But it can be worth it.
Just keep telling yourself you ARE a good mother even though nobody is mistaking you for a cruise director. It will sink in eventually. Go easy on yourself. You’re doing a good job.
No, no, they FIGHT all day long and then play nicely together for 1-2 hours a day. Of course they usually pretend someone’s dead or in jail, that gives them the most joy. And when you do take them on a lovely trip…beach, Childrens Museum, they just want something more…ice cream, etc. I wish I was 6.
i don’t know why but this whole post makes me laugh. could it be because i have spent three days this week the equivalent of at least 8 hours looking for a shower curtain to match my oddly peachy-pink 1950’s bathroom tile while wondering if there is anyway to leave my family and get away with it? or that i have taken commenter #1’s advice like kool-aid and my kids are still fighting like wildcats and not yet to the deeper wells of their resourcefulness? how many more days? twenty-seven? thirty-three? summer is almost over.
break a plate for me, sister. a nice peachy pink one for my shower curtain. and two loud and clanky ones for the wild things.
love you
Oy; one mention of kool-aid and already I’m feeling like Jim Jones.
I have noticed, in 30 years of parenting, that often there isn’t a truly fun alternative. The bottom line is often “pick your poison.” Entertain them/let them entertain themselves is often like school vs. homeschool–which can you live with more easily [today]? I don’t mean to drive anyone over the edge with an alternative they can’t tolerate, but for me, waiting them out was usually easier than trotting all over the planet. When it wasn’t–I’ll admit it–there’s always TV. As I said–pick your poison. Smashing a few plates beats smashing a few kids any day, so do what you can best live with–but give it a try, if you can. I really think our kids’ generation desperately needs to be weaned from a dependence on constant entertainment. My heart is with every one of you, though. I’ve been there. Still am, with my remnant offspring–10, 12, and 15. It doesn’t really stop till they’re grown and gone.
Once again, Rachelle, you’ve gone straight to my heart. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not crazy and that it is ok that my kids drive me insane.
I just never had the energy or the want-to to buy into the whole “we have to entertain their brain” thing. If my kids tell me they are bored I put them to work so they don’t tell me that often.
My Dad always told me that “bored people are boring people” so go find something to do.
Lock them outside.
Ahh, this just got my blood boiling. I was in some trance at the begining of the summer taking on extra children to earn extra cash! Wrong, next time I will spin my wheels selling shacklee. Seriously, I have gotten so depressed that I almost started taking something and each night my poor husband comes home I dash out the door to pick up that thing I forgot at the store. I usually come home with wine and call it a day. So I have concluded that I am the worst stay at home mom since all I do is complain about it either in my head or aloud to hubby. I ve since instructed all my friends to slap me when I clueslessly announce that I will do this again next summer. I am just not that good at it. So feel free to give me a cyber slap if you hear about it.
hey aola, my mother said the same thing! verbatim! only her refrain was, go find something creative to do. it worked!
and heidi, i hear you sister. i suck at it, too. next year, we will shell out the money for six weeks of summer camp.
Jen… great to hear from you!! sure miss your creative voice in cyberspace
Hey, hang in there. I had a meltdown a week ago today and never could figure out why. By the way, you are one lucky woman to have found a therapist for $50. Here in L.A. a minimum rate would be $100–and the shrink I see occasionally charges $165.
Thanks for letting me know in time that the “If you have more than one they play together and sort of raise each other” thing is a myth. It kinda sounded too good to be true . . .
Oh my lord, this is my life. I am literally barely holding on until school starts. (My school.) Maybe we should take a morning sometime in Sept. and try to track down those cushions and a couple things on my long house-stuff list.
BTW, have you tried Cost Plus Worldmarket?
ahh, I can’t stop thinking about this post. I laught, cry, and you know spell laugh with a t. Anyway I think there needs to be a revolt. First of all to the media who makes children think that every other child out there spends their days in pointless contests where goo gets dumped all over them. And then to the toy industry who makes kids believe through false advertising that the Hot Wheel Cars really flip in circles and land on that cheap track. Oh and best of all that if you eat one of those fruit gushers that your head will turn into some sort of fruit. The sad reality is that it is my (and Greg’s) responsibilty to raise these little joys. Anyway I am happy to announce that I quit being a “full-time” mom this summer, I have two days left and I’ll be looking for a job next summer.
This is the Cleaver Syndrome. I speak professionally. So, June, why don’t you just whip up some window seat cushions from left over dress fabric? No? This will be either therapeutic, or suicidal, or both.
Sincerely,
A therapist. Not yours.
Boy, can I relate, and let me tell you that three kids don’t necessarily raise each other either (actually they spend a lot of time triangulating - talk about the therapy they’ll need!) It does seem like we pick our poison anew each day - and what havoc that sometimes wreaks on the next day!!! I think the hardest part is that I always spend the beginning of my domestic time thinking it will be so great (and easy!) to spend this wonderful summer time with my kids, and it’s not either - and then I resent the kids ‘cuz they screwed up my fun!
We’ve had great luck this summer with outside jobs - we bought a new house that came complete with a yard full of weeds (as opposed to grass) which the kids have a standing invitation to remove. Our 8-year old loves it (the $1.50 an hour wage is an incentive), and has found that work is a desirable alternative to boredom. He weeds 1/2 - 2 hours every day. Somehow this alternative isn’t so attractive to our 10 and 13 year old, however! And my husband is a little tired of taking the 8 year old to 7-11 to spend his earnings on slurpies every day. BUT, the yard looks like it might actually turn into a real yard someday, and probably without relying on scary pesticides!
Can’t wait for school to start!