Mike Wrote:

I was really intrigued and encouraged by your seminar on neo-monasticism (spelling optional?… though i might have gotten it right). Our staff of 4 own 4 multi-family houses here in Rochester, NY… and all on the same block. We’ve been tossing around this ‘communal living’ idea for some time now… thus your seminar was that much more fascinating for us. I was hoping to ask you about your boundaries… things like ‘personal space’… ‘moral conduct’…’accountability’. Do you have guidelines for such things? and are they different depending on one’s connection to Jesus (ie. if a non-christian member of the abbey is shagging all over town, is that dealt with?… and would it be different for a professing christian member of the abbey?) My curiousity is peaked, as i’d love to create such an open and accepting community here in Western NY.

Blessings to you and yours!

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Mike,

Thanks for asking about neomonasticism. At Monkfish Abbey we really haven’t had a lot of these issues come up. But I’ll give you my two cents and you can toss them around for awhile.

We have personal space boundaries in the sense that there are certain times which our family has as “sabbath” and the house is our own at those times (Wednesday nights and Sundays.) Our monkey-monk-monks have the right to “pass” on any sort of sharing/intimate conversation that might go on, so I guess that protects their personal space too.

I am so bugged by the term “accountablity.” To me this is a really tainted word which translates into “I have a group of people whom I’m supposed to be accountable to, but really I only tell them as much as I want and so I could just shine them on whenever needed. But if I attend this group/make this coffee date/whatever, I can look good in the eyes of my Christian siblings.” Cynical? Yeah. But what can I say? It’s the truth as I’ve experienced it.

I mean, we are accoutnable to each other as humans you know? If it’s not part of your ethos to treat one another (and your ownself/body) with respect and health, then there’s no amount of structure that I can build that will insure that you do so.

We focus a lot more on seeking shalom than on the concept of good moral conduct. Good moral conduct does lead to shalom (peace/wholeness) but it’s less inflamatory to talk about shalom or living (w)holistically. Once you start talking about moral conduct or immoral conduct people’s hackles tend to get raised and they can’t listen anymore. (And if people can’t listen to one another then we can’t disciple one another. We’ve got to speak so people can hear us.) At the Abbey we try to foster the idea that the goal of our life with Jesus is to create a kingdom that is as whole as possible. This necessarily requires us to live in morally responsible ways. For instance, if I’m shagging around I’m probably hurting feelings…damaging emotional and phsycial health. So whether or not that’s morally okay, it certainly doesn’t lead to shalom, you know? So when folks come to me with “moral issues” (which usually means stuff about sex, although I have fielded a few business ethics type questions) I try to ask them “what would bring the most health/wholness/shalom/peace to this situation?

I don’t think there’s different standards for Jesus followers and non Jesus followers. What I mean by this is that you don’t get to do whatever the hell you want when you aren’t aligned with Jesus, and you aren’t expected to become super goodie two shoes the minute you start jiving with him either. Relationships evolve. Relationships with God/Jesus/the Trininty evolve. So, that’s going to have you looking at different bits of your life at different stages. Our jobs as hosts and withmates is to watch for the God active spots in people so that we can blow on those embers when the time is right. That’s how I try to approach issues of “moral” behavior for everyone, regardless of where they are in their journey.

Please keep in mind that this is all a big experiement for me and for us. Hopefully peeking in on our journey will be of help to you….and vice versa!

R