First of all…who the hell’s ever heard of midwinter break.?! There’s winter break and there’s spring break and that should be it!

Then again, Eden does love to have “no rush” mornings, and I love that bit too. It’s 11am when they are bored and bickering that makes me nuts. Or at least, it makes me nuts when I am all migraine-y and medicine-y and decidedly not very Jesus-y. Ah! How I take comfort in all of Anne Lamott’s stories where she is swearing at her kid and slamming off the TV, or dragging him to something significant (damn it!) I especially love her Ash Wednesday tale here. It’s hard to feel that down on your parenting self when one of the women you admire most in the world writes a sentence like this:

“As far as I know, there is nothing in Scripture or tradition setting it aside as a day on which to attack one’s child, and then flagellate oneself while the child climbs a tree and shouts down that he can’t decide whether to hang himself or jump, even after it is pointed out that he is only five feet from the ground. But I guess every family celebrates the day in its own unique way.”

It’s all failings and grace. Failings and grace. Those are the building blocks of parenting.

These prayers are holding me together right now. I say them several times every night with my Church of the Apostles prayer beads:

Calm me O Lord as you stilled the storm
Guard me O Lord and keep me from harm
Let all the tulmult within me cease
Enfold me O Lord with your peace

______________________________

Be the eye of God dwelling within me
The foot of Christ in guidance before me
The shower of the Spirit pouring over me,
richly and generously

______________

I bow and adore thee Sacred Three
The Ever One the Trinity
I bow before the Creator who made me
I bow before the Son who saves me
I bow before the Spirit who guides me
in love and adoration
I bow and adore thee Sacred Three
The Ever One, the One in Three

Amen
______________________________

Also, I really like track 4 and 5 on COTA’s first CD, Ordo. Track 4 is Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me, a sinner. This is the Jesus Prayer and I’ve never been able to pray it. I’ve never liked the way it ends in a downward cadence with all the weight of the prayer landing on “a sinner.” But here Lacey’s managed to have the phrase end on an upward note. There’s a lilt to “sinner,” a hopefullness…sort of a recognition of the other side of that etymological coin. The flipp side of “a sinner” is “a person who gets start again.” Lacey’s composing here conveys that, and I like it.

Tack 5 is a simple refrain “Lord I believe…help my unbelief.” That’s been the most helpful tune to hum these days.

If you want to purchase one for a spin, go here. They’re just $15 and the disc includes lyrics and chord charts.

These are the things holding me together. May they hold you together too. Mutual crazy glue.