1) Eden has be coughing for two weeks and no one in the house has been able to sleep for the past 3-4 nights. Her fever was 103.9 but is down now that she is on antibiodics. She still snores and coughs all night. She’s been sleeping in our room to spare Catie and to spare Sharon, who’s room shares a wall with Eden’s bed. This means Paul and I aren’t sleeping.

2) And neither is Sharon…because Catie is having terrible nightmares. Last night she woke up screaming “it hurts! It hurts!” Sharon went in to get her and she wouldn’t open her eyes or wake up all the way. Later that night she had another nightmare and I went to check on her. When I asked her if she wanted to tell me about her dream she said, “No thank you Mommy.” Last week Paul found her crying and walking in circles in her room.

3) Winter is always hard for me because the kids get sick, and have school breaks and that means I can neither work nor exercise. The exercise is a big part of maintaining a low pain level from my migraines. I haven’t exercised for three weeks. Also, I have to be able to work because the Emergent Convention is coming up and I have several workshops to prepare. If I let myself think about that I get quite stressed …. Again, not good for the headaches. I really need to find some way to achieve these two things.

4) I went in for an IV treatment for my 5-day migraine yesterday. It’s basically like chemo…it makes you sick, so they give you something for the nausea which makes you edgey, then they give you the vasoconstrictors which wipe you out for the day. Yesterday I had no headache pain but this morning it’s coming back…already! The next step is botoxing my skull, which I’m just not willing to do.
I don’t know what’s worse, having the constant pain, or having the days or weeks in between when I don’t. When the pain goes away I remember the person I was…a person with energy and lightheartedness and joy and creativity. I’m getting to the point where I just don’t want to remember that anymore. It’s too hard to let her go again, and again, and again in exchange for this person who is dumbed-down and short tempered by pain.

Please, if you are the praying type, please pray for me and my family.