Write Everyday
What we search for in fiction is not so much reality, but the epiphany of truth.
-Azar Nafisi
This morning I cuddled with my kids and watched Jim Henson’s version of Jack and the Beanstalk. In this version, generations of “Jack Robinsons” have gone from rich to richer because of the loot the original 16th century Jack stole from the giant. (Goose with the golden eggs, golden harp…remember?) Of course, the current 20th century Jack is unaware of this magical source material for wealth. He is however, very aware of the “Robinson Family Curse” which explains why no J.R. has managed to live past 40 – and age he is fast approaching. The thing that struck me was how, in this telling of the tale, Jim Henson, master of the muppets, touches on nothing less than truth and relevancy. It was really quite deft. In the video, we review the fairy tales as we know it. Jack’s ancient Aunt relays the story to Jack and it’s your typical giant-as-antagonist, jack-as-protagonist telling. But then, Auntie says, not everyone can handle history…. “So the story got retold and now history is but a fairy tale.” Later, we meet a new character, Andeen, who tells the tale in the exact opposite manner. In this telling she is an eyewitness to the crime, and she paints the giant as the protagonist and Jack as the grandest of all betraying boyfriends (cum burglar.) In Andeen’s world the harp plays the new day into being, and the goose lays eggs which stoke the eternal fire of the giant’s land. But in Jack’s culture, these things are merely tools to amass wealth and power. I found it very interesting, as I’ve been thinking a lot lately about truth and culture and relevancy. Not that I have anything profound to pontificate on tonight. To be honest, I’m just trying to write everyday.
After watching TV all morning, the girls were, predictably, incredibly crabby. (When will I ever learn…no TV in the morning!) I managed to get them up and dressed and out for our little outing, which today was to Fred Meyer. My sister gave the girls their own set of gardening tools and Cate was begging to plant flowers. (“Mommy. Can I ax you something? Can we dig, dig, dig a hole and put flowers in it?) Since Cate had refused to eat her breakfast, there was some serious low blood sugar action going on. I regressed to letting the shopping trip be one long list of cajoles. Mercifully, when we got home, it was “Sharon time” and I had a few hours free. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I simply cannot thrive as a stay-at-home mom. I enjoy the extra time with my kids in the summer. I’m especially glad the Eden isn’t in school all-day…but half day for both of them wouldn’t be the end of the world…. Eden, who has been out too much lately with traveling and camping and cousin-based outings was totally content to spend the entire afternoon playing school with Sharon, who had to write essays about “My best friend.” – being that she was in fourth grade and all.
After working for a few hours I ducked out to Barnes and Noble to by a book that I’ve promised to read with my friend Wendy. Wendy was my college roommate and my oldest friend. She lives in Nepal, Thailand, or Texas depending on the half-year, so we rarely see each other. She cooked up this neat way to stay in touch which is that we read the same book. This one is Reading Lolita in Tehran. In the opening chapters the author, Azar Nafisi, describes the group of women students who gathered, veiled, in her home: We were not looking for blueprints, for an easy solution, but we did hope to find a link between the open spaces the novels provided and the closed ones we were confined to.
I think this is why I read so much fiction.
Enough for tonight. Maybe tomorrow I’ll write about marriage and covenants; or p—nagraphy and the spiritual oppression of women; or Karen Haluza’s post on the emergent church and emergers’ responses; or Jesus and justice; or why I’m trying to learn to value process….all things that floated through my brain today. Sometimes I wish I could be satisfied on a diet of reality TV…which by the way, won’t someone make me sound good to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition so I can build my little commune in my basement and back yard?
‘Nite.
Rachelle,
You said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I simply cannot thrive as a stay-at-home mom.”….and it is just so good to hear someone else say this. Being a SAHM does not nurture my soul. I’m doing it becuase, for our family, I think its the right thing to do, but I long for the day where I can be beyond this stage. I love the extra time with my child, but…..I long for the days of being able to read more than a paragraph at a time, or to be able to finish a complete thought.
aaaaaghhhh!! me, too. i try to squeeze as much meaning out of it as possible and i do a good job, but over time i really get tired and would consider pinching as a parenting option if i thought it would buy me some quiet time.
i am so, so tired of it all.
wrote a poem called entombed about this a while ago. i’m with all you. it’s frigging hard.
So, what about the women who say, ‘it’s so fulfilling’ etc? Are they seeing something in this that I just can’t find? Or, do I just have a higher need for silence/order/time alone in order to process through things and hear the voice of Jesus?
Today, out of pure desperation, I took my child to the supervised play area at Ikea just so I could go find a corner and sit and think. He loves to play there, so he wasn’t harmed at all…and I got a while to try and find some peace.
Sigh….
ha! i took mine to the play area at fred meyer!
today i realized that it’s not that i don’t like being with my kids, or that my kids are badly behaved. it’s that i get lonely and bored at home. it’s all so mundane, and when we go out, i’m still alone.
The Fred Meyer’s in Ballard? We go there sometimes too
I agree with you about it not being really about my child. He is a great kid, well behaved, and actually fun to be with….but I really do get bored and lonely at home too. *Thank God* for the internet, or I’d be a total loon!
I really do long for a deeper connection with women friends. (I think Jen Lemen had such a great post that kind of related to this recently - about how friends should care fore each other)But somehow, for whatever reason, that hasn’t happened. We’re between churches at the moment, so its even more of a challenge to find connections.
It sure is good to know Im not the only one
I am soooo struggling with this. There’s so much stuff happening every day and so many thoughts in my head. I’m used to loads of alone time and quiet, processing through writing and now there’s 10 minutes here and there. I have to choose between reading, writing, taking a bath, a nap or flipping through a magazine. I’m so grateful to hear it’s not just me. Thank you so much for the honesty here.
Wow. I thought it was just me. My children are grown now, but when they were babies, I experienced all of the struggles you have named here. I felt sooooo guilty. By some miracle, my children have grown into amazing, kind, good people despite all of my parenting angst.
It was never about them. It was me. I am by nature (and by Meyers-Briggs) a serious introvert. I think parenting is just harder for introverts, because we need solitude to energize and solitude is a near impossibility for those early years (my mind drifts back to a time when I figured I had really arrived — when I could actually use the bathroom alone — aaah, the small victories in life).
Hang in, strong women of God, feed your souls as the Spirit moves and your children will benefit by your example.