Embracing the Light
I have been struck with a sudden and difficult bout of depression. My council of wise women says that I am sad, and that I am stuck. Karen tells me to embrace the light. (Seems like I’ve heard that somewhere before…what’s that saying about taking your own medicine?) Okay, I’ll try that.
Embrace the Light….
1) Five busy women took the time to read my long email and write me long ones back…right away…with pictures!
2) Alanis Morrisette wrote this: (listen here)
how ‘bout me not blaming you for everything
how ‘bout me enjoying the moment for once
how ‘bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how’ bout grieving it all one at a time
how ‘bout no longer being masochistic
how ‘bout remembering your divinity
how ‘bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how ‘bout not equating death with stopping
thank you India
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
….and I now have a car stereo to play it on over and over again.
3) Bono wrote this: (listen here: track 2,4)
never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It’s just a moment
This time will pass
4) And this:
You’re packing a suitcase for a place
None of us has been
A place that has to be believed
To be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird
In an open cage
Who will only fly
Only fly for freedom
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on…
Leave it behind
You’ve got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
5) Alicia IM’ed me from work this morning and offered lots of help with ThPM (and lots of ideas, which I can’t assess right now, but it makes me feel less lonely that other people are thinking about our group.)
6) Today is “Sharon Day” and my kids are at the park with our housemate/nanny. It is quiet and I don’t have to try to not snap at them or not “huff” at them…and because they are not here I cannot damage their little souls.
7) I have not succumbed to the fetal position. I have actually gotten up at 6am every morning and walked the Burke Gilman. I am dressed. My kids have eaten. (Not well, but they’ve eaten.)
8) I am not eating everything in site.
9) Hardly anyone is in town this week so ThPM will be very small and simple
10) I have my own office. It has new pillows. They are pretty.
Okay. Obviously I’m running out of ideas. I’ll stop now.
a time to cry is necessary. don’t rush the emotions, sometimes soaking in them helps them move on to their rightful home. i’m sorry that you are sad though.
I just wrote a thing on “Dealing with my Bummer Summer” It’s just where I’m at this time of the year. Feeling happy is overated.
hang in there rachelle…
on “embrace the light”, i would have included “i live in seattle”, or “i live in the most beautiful house in wallingford that i decorated my very self”
seriously… i think about your house whenever nuc and i talk about the kind of place we want to live in. you have created a home (not just a house) that feels comfortable and real, beautiful and centered. there are too few homes like that… rare and precious.
Holding you in the Light today. Beaming good vibes over to you down the west coast.